Happiness & Misery
by jessicalynnrand
Summary: If everybody was truthful to each other, how much pain could you save? Can you erase the past to be happy in the present, or will it all come falling down?  A Kurt/Sam story, whether it happens in the show or not.
1. Kurt: How Pathetic Can I Get?

Ever since I passed him in the hallway that afternoon, I couldn't keep my mind from always coming back to him. He was perfectly tall with beach blond hair and a smile that could make me do anything on cue. His blue eyes shined right into my soul so deeply that I felt that it was near impossible to ever stop their penetration. He gave me two sensations with one eye lock. A part of me wanted to smile, knowing that he could see me, even though he had no idea who I was. But the other part of me wanted to crumble up into grated pieces because I knew that he would never, ever be interested in me. He sat in each of my classes in the back row chatting with some of the most popular guys in school. I was forced to watch him every day after school in his football uniform during practice while I constantly got accused of liking him, and receiving several beatings daily because of it. It sounds terrible, but all of that pain is worth just seeing him for one moment, to see him take off his padding and to watch him change back into his regular sweatpants and baggy shirt. Sometimes, I'll even stay later and stay behind the lockers and just listen to the water running down his body, nearly crying from embarrassment and thinking of how pathetic I must be.


	2. Sam: Blend In, Stand Out

Being a new student is hard enough, but being a closeted gay boy? Even harder. All I wanted was to blend in, to make friends with the more popular people so that if I ever did decide to come out, it wouldn't be as hard. It should have been easy. Nobody was making stupid comments, giving me weird looks, or randomly jumping me in the hallway. I hadn't had a bruise in a week, which was a record for me. Of course, I was a little paranoid. Whenever anybody showed up behind me I quickly turned around, and whenever anybody simply tapped me on my shoulder it was everything that I had to do in order to keep from running down the hall. I couldn't tell what was worse: getting beaten literally everyday at my old school, or pretending to be somebody that I wasn't just to fit in to the same group of people who had previously despised people like me. They smiled at me and I smiled back, secretly knowing that if they knew the real me, those smiles would turn to daggers of hatred and I would again be lost in the same cruel world as before.  
But he made me question everything, this one boy that I couldn't keep my mind off of. Small with sandy brown hair, and he walked with a kind of strut that I envied so greatly. He was open about himself, and he took the hits that I saw given to him with pride, never once letting them have the satisfaction that he knew they wanted from him. He would straighten himself out and continue to walk down the hallway, acting as if nothing had just happened to him. He would cause me to do a double take nearly every day. This boy was the stereotypical gay kid, and yet he somehow managed to be on the football team along with his glee club activities.  
This was where I first met him: during football practice. After a brutal four hours, we were finally done. You could feel the tension on the field building stronger and stronger as the coach made us run the same drills again and again. When we got back into the locker rooms, that's when everybody cracked, each curse-filled comment shot towards this small boy who didn't know what to do when a room full of people twice as large as him were all screaming cruel words. Of course, he remained quiet and tried to take off his padding and leave as quick as he could, but that wouldn't do for any of these beasts. They threw stuff at him, yelled some more, and threw his clothes halfway across the room. When he moved to get it back, that's when they pounced. One after another flew on top of him. I saw shoes fly into his stomach and blood squirt out of his mouth. What could I do? Nothing, if I were to go in there, they'd just give the same to me. I turned my back and changed as I heard the poor kid nearly screaming in agony. Tears were forming in my eyes, but I couldn't let anybody see them. Finally, the coach walked in and yelled at the boys to stop and get out. It was as if pigs had been called to dinner. They each walked away and nearly ran out of the room, still fully dressed. The coach gave me a look and closed the door. I was alone with my teammate. I finally turned around and saw him curled up in a ball on the floor, wheezing and coughing red all over his hands. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to help him someway.


	3. Sam: Come To Realize

I fell to the floor, dropping to his side. I reached out to touch him, but then realized that I probably shouldn't. I had never even talked to him before. I didn't know what to say, and I regretted my words as soon as them came out. "Are you okay?" He scoffed and struggled to his feet.  
"Leave me alone," he whispered. I shook my head. He was hurt. I knew that he was, and his pride was getting in the way of somebody actually helping him. He didn't want to feel like he needed help from somebody.  
So I tried again. "Listen, I just - -"  
"Get away from me!" He screamed, pushing me away with his small, shaking hand. I just stood there in shock. In front of me was the adorable boy with tears in his eyes and blood and bruises all over his body. "You know, I can't stand people like you!" He went over to the sink and attempted to wash his face off. I followed him.  
"People like me?" I said, a little bit surprised. "I'm not the one who - -"  
"Yeah, I know. You didn't actually hurt me, right?" He scoffed. "That's the scary part. You know, at least those guys were doing what they believed in. Sure, it hurt like hell, it always does, but it's more than what you did. I'd take a world full of people like them over people like you. The people who just stand by and do nothing, they're the real haters. They don't agree with everybody else, but they don't care enough to actually jump in and make a difference. I bet you thought that if you tried to stop them, you'd get hit, too. And that's the reason why you didn't, because you were too afraid of what they'd do to you. Instead, you just turn your back and close your eyes, like I'm some kind of disgusting bug who's life doesn't matter. They could do whatever they wanted to me, and it would never make a difference to your life." At this time, there were just a couple of tears on his face. I felt terrible, he was right. I could just stare at him as he stared back at me. He shook his head and laughed, bending down to pick up his bag before he walked towards the door.  
I couldn't just let him leave like this, with him hating me. I nearly stuttered trying to get the next words out. "Wait, please." He stopped, and turned to face me, with an expression composed of such hatred that I found myself stepping back. "I… I'm sorry."  
He gave a half smile. "Look, I appreciate it, but it's too late now." He gestured towards himself. "The damage is done." He walked out and closed the door, leaving me alone with my guilt. I looked down at the floor where a few minutes ago, he had been curled up in a ball with cleets digging into his side. The thought of it nearly brought the tears back to my eyes. I sat on a bench near the scene and put my head in my hands. What had I done? I wanted so much to talk to this kid, to possibly even get some pointers on how to be myself. But all that was done now, he hated me, and he had a reason to. He was completely right. I had just turned my back to him as he got beat over and over again, too afraid to actually save him from the terrible people that always surrounded him. I needed to get over myself. I didn't know how that was going to happen, but it was going to. I had to change, I had to do something. I couldn't go on living like this, hurting innocent people.


	4. Kurt: Help, Needed & Not

I walked out of the locker room in tears, ran down the hallway a little, and stopped in front of some old classroom. I flung my back onto the floor and then followed it down, thinking about everything that had just happened. I had talked to him, he was in the room with me, just the two of us, but he was absolutely nothing like what I expected. He was right there, he could have helped me or done anything besides just stood there! I had to get over him. He was straight, he would never be into me in a million years. He was just like the other assholes on the football team, and I didn't want to deal with that anymore. I would straighten myself out and get past this, I didn't need this.

That next morning, I was walking through the hall, trying to show off the confidence that I had left in myself, when I turned a corner and saw something surprising. Sam Evans, the boy who I had been so angry at yesterday, was pushed up against the wall by the two main guys who had hit me earlier. He was trying to escape the crowd, but they wouldn't let him. He just stared at them with a look terrible fear in his eyes. I watched from behind the corner, only a few feet away, as they yelled at him for something that I couldn't process in my mind.

"What are you looking at, fag?" I flinched as I always did when I heard that word, even though I should have been used to it by now, because I've been at this stupid school long enough.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" Sam stammered out his words and I noticed his hands begin to tremble. Why was he so nervous?

"Don't act like an idiot." The kind pushed him again, and I found myself walking slowly forward towards the situation. "I saw you alone in the locker room with the gay kid!" When I realized that was me, I gasped. I expected Sam to say something hateful towards me, but he just continued to stare at the football players surrounding him.

"Oh my God," another boy chimed in. "You're not denying it, you actually are a fag!" They started to laugh and I was now near crying. I couldn't believe that this was happening. Sam just continued to stare at them, and I wanted to yell at him to run, move or at least do something to protect himself. The guy closest to him laughed again before taking a huge hit into his stomach, causing him to fall to the floor. As they all begun to raise their legs, I ran over to the group as fast as I could. I screamed out for them to stop, but before I knew what was happening, they all turned towards me with the same evil look on their faces.

The guy that had caused Sam to fall to the floor smiled at me and raised his fist. I closed my eyes, bracing for another punch to add to my many, but it never came. I heard footsteps behind me, and when I opened my eyes, the football players were running all throughout the hallway. I turned around to see Sue Sylvester standing directly in front of my face. She didn't say anything, she just looked down at Sam, then turned and walked back down the way that she came. As soon as she was out of sight and the hallways were cleared, I turned and looked down at Sam, who was now clutching his stomach in pain. I debated on whether or not to help him, but decided that I couldn't just run away after that.

I bent down to his side. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly, hoping not to embarrass him any further.

He took in a deep breath and let out a shaky sigh. "Yeah, I'll be fine. It was nothing compared to what happened to you yesterday." I looked away from him, I really wanted to not think about that now. I wanted to help this person, not get angry at him again. I shook my head to get the memory out of my mind for the moment.

He looked up at me with his liquid blue eyes, and I wanted to do now was to get to the bottom of this so that I could get away from this unhealthy obsession. "Listen, Kurt, I'm really sorry about that. I feel so guilty, it's insane. I want to make it up to you, but I have no idea how I would ever start to go about doing that. I wish that you would believe me when I say that I'm sorry, because I am."

I tried to look away from his eyes, but it wasn't helping me. I always ended up coming back to them as they seemed to glow in that hallway. I finally managed to lock my eyes on a piece of trash several feet away. "Look, Sam, I believe you. If you didn't care at all, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now." I gasped at what I had just said. I was completely giving him hints at my love for him; he wasn't ever going to talk to me again, let alone stand up for me against an entire team. "I just… want to know what they were talking about. Why they were calling you what they were, and why you didn't defend yourself."

He sighed and took in a deep breath. I could tell he was nervous about something, but I had no idea what it was. "Kurt," he began, "I want to tell you something, but I want you to please, please promise to tell nobody else. Please." I nodded, anxious to hear him. Thoughts ran through my mind of what I thought it was, but I pushed those near impossibilities far into the back of my head. "The reason why I didn't deny anything, was because…" He paused again, now he closed his eyes and his breathing slowed down to something that I could barely even here. "Because they're true. I am what they called me."


	5. Sam: Confession Doesn't Hurt

I opened my eyes in shock, unable to believe what I had just said. Had I just admitted who I was? No, I couldn't have. I replayed the last few moments back in my mind, and realized that I had. All I could do was stare at the wall across from me, unable to think of what had just come out between my teeth and off my tongue out into the open air. He definitely knew the truth about me now.

I looked up at Kurt who looked away from me. Why wouldn't he look at me? I felt so helpless.

"So," he said in a questioning tone, "you actually are… gay?" The word pierced my heart, a blade of truth running into me. I had to look away. I knew this, I had known for a while. So why did it feel like such a big thing when he said it to me?

I nodded. "Yeah, I am. That's the reason that I moved here. Everybody at my old school found out, and I couldn't go a day without nearly dying over something that I couldn't control. So I begged to move here, and we finally did." I looked up at Kurt's face again, and noticed a pained expression on his face.

"You shouldn't have come here," he said. When he looked back to me, there were tears in his eyes. "It's not a good place for people like us." I could see the hurt in his eyes, and I, again, felt like an idiot for letting what had happened to him yesterday occur. I felt as if the tears were somehow going from his eyes to mine.

Why did I have to be such a jerk? I must have ruined any possible chance of anything ever happening between the two of us. I found myself slamming my head into the wall, trying to rid myself of the stupidity inside. Although I didn't get very far, because after a few tries I felt a small hand against my head, which made the hair on my back stand up. I looked at his face, and he looked incredibly concerned. "Sam, please," he whispered so quietly that I could barely understand him. All I could do was to stare back into his eyes and deal with the pain that I had caused.

"Listen, Kurt, if people don't find out, I'll be fine. I trust you not to tell. I don't know why, because I barely know you, but I do. It's just something about you; it makes me feel like you won't try to break me, because I know that you probably went through this exact phase once in your lifetime." I shouldn't have said that. I looked up at him, and again, he looked scared. I was probably bringing back all forms of terrible memories. Why was I such an ass? "I'm sorry, Kurt. I need to stop talking."

His head snapped to mine, his eyes darting all over my face. "No, Sam. You're fine. I need to get over things. This is the way I am, I need to be proud of it, and so should you." He stood up and began to walk down the hallway. He turned the corner, then stuck his head back out and gave me a small smile. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, then decided against it and began to walk again. I was left balled up in a pile of disbelief at myself. I was falling deeper and deeper into the mountain of love that was staring me in the face.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Quite a short chapter, I'm aware. It's more of a transitional scene that a whole climactic event, but don't worry. One of those will be coming soon!


	6. Kurt: Bodyguard

Oh my God, had that just happened? I blinked a few times as I remained just behind the corner that I had turned. This was reality; Sam had really just told me that he was gay, and also that he trusted me. I didn't know what to do with this information. I mean, I couldn't just throw myself at him just because he was gay. No, I had to treat this like any other relationship. Except, that was the problem. I had never had a real relationship before. What was I supposed to do? I whacked my hand against my head. Stupid Kurt, just because he's gay, doesn't mean that he likes you. I started to frown, I was going back into my normal state of accepting the fact that I just wasn't the type of person that people liked like that. I peered around the corner, but when I saw Sam still sitting on the floor, I snapped my head back. He was staring into nothingness, holding his stomach like he was still hurt.

I thought back to when I had first come out to somebody. I remember everything about that moment, from what I was wearing, to the perfume that Mercedes had on. My heart had been beating so fast, and my palms were sweating like they had never sweat before. And she had been so wonderful about it, and she still hasn't treated me differently since them. I decided that that's the kind of person that I wanted to be to Sam. I wanted to be that one person that he could trust in this crazy high school, the one that would be there for him no matter what people threw at us – mentally and physically.

But then I thought back to how he had let me get beat by the guys on the football team. Should I really give him the chance - whether he liked me like that or not? I wanted to be there for him, but I also didn't want to get hurt in the process. I ran my hand through my hair, I had to think about this.


	7. Sam: Heavenly

I walked into the locker room, and there he was. A small, brown-haired boy that I couldn't seem to get out of my mind stood in front of me. I turned my back and started to walk towards the other side of the locker room, a thousand thoughts running through my mind. I paused, and turned back to face him, taking a deep breath. I didn't want to hide myself anymore.

"Kurt?" I had done it, I said his name, but he didn't turn to face me. Was he ignoring me? I frowned, and reached out my hand to touch his shoulder, but before I could touch him, he turned to face me.

"Yes?" He said, with a sort of harsh tone which nearly caused me to take a step backwards. I was surprised. I had just told him my deepest secret the other day, I had entrusted him with it, and now he was treating me like a piece of dirt. I could feel my heart beat getting faster, and I picked my hand up to it. I thought I was over this nervous thing. What was it about Kurt Hummel that made me act so crazy?

No, I had to get past this. I took in a deep breath and pulled my hand off of my chest. "How're you?" Those were the only words that I could manage to get out in the one breath that escaped my lungs. All he did was shrug.

He began to turn away, and I had had enough. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back to face me. "Sam…" he began to speak, but I couldn't let him.

"Kurt, please. I have to get this out of me." He blinked at me and didn't speak. I had the opportunity. "Listen, I know that the first time that I spoke to you wasn't the best moment of your life. Yeah, I'm an ass, okay? And yes, the reason why I didn't jump in to help you was because I was terrified of them doing something to me. It was selfish, it was stupid. You say that it's okay, but I know that you still hold it against me. How many times do you want me to say I'm sorry? Kurt, all I'm asking for is a chance."

There I had said it. I had told him that I liked him, this was the moment of truth. Kurt tilted his head down, and I let go of his arm. He turned away from me, and for a moment I thought that he was going to walk out of the door. I wanted to pound my head against one of these lockers, I had completely blown it. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration towards myself. What had I done?

Kurt mumbled something that I couldn't hear. I took a step closer to him. "Kurt?" I asked, trying to look him in the eyes, but he wasn't letting me. He grabbed my hand and finally looked up to me, and I thought I saw a few years in his eyes.

"I said," he pushed a few strands of hair out of his face, "please don't hurt me." I pulled him close to me, letting my body wrap around his. I rested my chin on top of his light brown hair. I couldn't help but to notice how he was the perfect height for this.

He backed away an inch, only an inch so that our foreheads were still touching and we were leaning in towards each other, both of our eyes closed. My heart was pounding fast, and in the silence, I could hear his as well. I could feel myself slowly leaning in, towards his face. Keeping my eyes closed, afraid to look into his eyes, I closed in the final few centimeters. I pressed my lips against his gently. It was the first time that I had ever kissed a boy. I had kissed girls before, but this was different, actually knowing that I liked and cared for this boy enough to do anything for him.

And then, as if they had known what was going on, the door to the locker room flung open and it slammed hard into the wall. We quickly broke apart, but it was too late. The five football players standing in front of us had already seen Kurt and I together.


	8. Kurt: Pain

I felt so vulnerable. First of all, I couldn't believe what had just happened. I had had my first kiss with a guy, and it was wonderful. I really did care about Sam, no matter how much I failed to admit it to him. And for the first time, a guy that I liked actually liked me back. I had been ecstatic.

But then these arrogant jerks had to come walking in to ruin everything. Sam let go of me and began to walk away, but all I wanted was for him to come back and protect me. I felt my heartbeat slowly start to increase more and more until it felt like a drum on the inside of my chest. I looked from Sam to the boys and back. Sam looked terrified, his small eyes staring at the group, his chest lifting and falling with every second that passed. The group looked hungry, their mouths turning up slightly at the corners, as if they were tigers that had just come across food in the jungle. They began to walk towards us, and I felt my uncontrollably shaky body back up a few feet.

The silence was driving me insane.

"So, what do we have here?" Karofsky asked.

"Nothing," Sam quickly spit out. For some reason, I felt hurt by that. Why couldn't people just let us be who we wanted to be? I didn't hide, I knew how much it sucked to pretend. Why did Sam have to do this? I wanted to speak up, I wanted to defend myself like I usually did. I wanted to tell these losers that we can't control who we like, and they just have to deal with that.

But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to talk. I looked over at Sam, nearly shaking out of his skin, and I kept quiet. I just nodded in agreement to what he had said, but that didn't the football players from scoffing at us. "Yeah, right. Since when is lip lock considered "nothing"?"

"Well, I guess when you're fags, it is." I twitched at the word, still shaking with fear and now anger as well. "Never thought we'd have two of those on the football team." They took a few more steps towards us, and we took a few more steps backwards. They started getting closer to Sam, and farther away from me, however. Soon, they were completely surrounding him.

"No, don't," were the first words out of my mouth. Almost automatically, some jock that I didn't even know the name of spun around and slapped me hard against the mouth. He hit me with such force that I nearly fell to the floor, holding my face. The silence returned. I felt myself about to burst.

The boy who slapped me turned back to face Sam. "Let's go," he commanded. And before I knew it, they were on top of him like the rabid beasts that they were. It was almost exact to what had happened to me a few days ago. I moved around the circle, trying to stop them, but it didn't work. They just pushed me back and constantly threw me against the wall. Tears rolled down my face as they continued.

Finally, they stopped. I thought they were done. "This punk is annoying," another jock said turning to face me. I continued to stare at him with a look of disgust. "Come on," and with that, they dragged Sam into the storage room. My heart raced up into my throat and I tried to follow them in. I grabbed the door handle as the last guy in closed it. I tried to open it, but of course, I was nothing against all of them combined. My feet quickly swept across the floor as I was thrown away from the now locked door. Through the small window, I saw a horrific thing. They continued to step on him, but then one boy began removing his pants, then his boxers. The tears fell heavier down my face as I desperately tried to plow through the door.

It was no use, for nothing that I could do would stop the beasts. I plunged myself into the floor in defeat, hating myself for allowing all of this to happen to him. From inside the room, I heard Sam screaming, crying for help, as the boys just laughed. I couldn't even muster up enough strength to stand up anymore. I weakly held onto the handle as some sort of false hope as the terrible sounds continued to filter into my ears.

After several more terrible minutes, I finally heard a click, signaling the end of their rampage. I moved myself over to the side, trying to hide, as the five football players walked, satisfied, out of the storage room, through the main locker room, and back out into the hallway without saying a word to me or to each other. They just filed out of the room as if their job was done. When I was sure that they were gone, I darted through the door.

What I saw was terrifying. I had to do a double take to just make sure that it had really happened. His entire body was covered with spots ranging from bright red to dark purple. The worst was on his lower thigh. It was about four inches in diameter and a shade of the darkest purple that I had ever seen, so dark that it was almost black. He had scuff marks from shoes and small red holes from the boys who had on metal spikes. His mouth was bleeding a dark red color. The part that sent a chill down my spine was his lower half. His pants were wrapped around his knees, and over his boxers was a large red stain. I cringed and made my way over to him. He coughed and his head went up a little. I put my hands under it.

I couldn't even think of anything to say to him. I just held his head as he cried into my shoulder. _This had to stop,_ I thought to myself. I had to do something about this, I wouldn't let anybody get hurt because of these imbeciles any longer.


End file.
